The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
