How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
