I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
