So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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