Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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