My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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