so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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