Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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