So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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