new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
