And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
