hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
