dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
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I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
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i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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