Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize