You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
