so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
