I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
