you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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