We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
is it fun? or sober?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
