he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
