Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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