i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
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He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
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I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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