Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Randomize
