i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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