Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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