Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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