I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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