when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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