your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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