I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
