we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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