I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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