Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
