I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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