Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
