Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
