thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
