My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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