that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
