Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
