"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
