Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I have demons in me.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
