Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
