I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
