He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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