I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
