I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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