i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
