careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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