I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
