i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
