and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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