You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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