I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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