butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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