when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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