Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
