It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
