I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
