Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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