my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
