everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
