I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm sobbing to NWA
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
