just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
