Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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