I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
