After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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