his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
