i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
you had me at cake vodka
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
