No awkward lesbian experiences without me
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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