Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
