You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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