Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
