Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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