why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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