I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
